Another breast cancer scare.
Many of you know the routine. Submit to the annual mammogram (in the privacy of my own mind, I call it the breast squashing ritual!)
The mammogram technician says, “My you have dense breasts!” (does that mean they are big AND dumb?) Orders more tests.
Results come back: more fibrocysts. BIG sigh of relief.
Two weeks later, visit the dermatologist. Slightly different mole on a leg becomes a target of concern and that once smooth spot is now a healing crater “wound” a.k.a. biopsy site. Oops… a melanoma scare.
Family doc says, “You’re over 50! Time for a colonoscopy! Aaargh....so now there’s a colon cancer scare in the offing!
I’m not afraid of dying. There were so many mysterious miracles and synchronicities surrounding my first husband’s death! I don’t pretend to understand them, but they did convince me that there is another side. The form of it may be a mystery, but the magnificent, peaceful spirit of it is not.
For me these cancer scares are stop signs. They bring me up short to a fear of being sick. AND, they remind me that one of these days I WILL have to surrender this precious gift of sensual human life.
The fear of being sick is fleeting. I know it’s a product of thought. I’ve been sick before, and had a multi-year experience of chronic pain. I know I have the potential to deal with those issues creatively, in the moment, and retain my capacity to experience joy, love and life.
But the surrender of life is another matter.
I LOVE being alive. I LOVE sensory experience:
The JOY of seeing the breath-taking beauty of the West Virginia mountains shrouded in mists.
The AWE of looking through the eyes of love at my beautiful daughter’s face.
The exquisite PLEASURE of making love to my husband.
The WONDER of watching a client find peace and relief from suffering.
The TASTE of great food.
The INSPIRATION of beautiful music.
The ARTISTRY of great writing.
These sensual gifts are DIVINE...heaven on earth. The body truly is the vessel through which an experience of the kingdom within is possible during this human walk.
Hmmmm...these cancer scares remind me how fragile life is. Surrendering to the heaven I cannot know is an interesting mystery. Surrendering the heaven I DO KNOW seems a challenge.
Guess I’ll just do what I can to stay out of the illusion of my thoughts and in the experience of beautiful feelings. When I’m in such feelings I have EYES for all the miracles around me. And even the most ordinary experiences of life are precious and magical. I want to experiences as much as I can of the great round of life!
Cancer scares? Or practical reminders to be present to the heaven in front of me?
Posted by Linda Sandel Pettit on 05/24 at 09:39 AM in |
(2) comments
