Dr. Linda Sandel Pettit, Licensed Psychologist, has opened a counseling and coaching office, WisdomSources PLLC in Morgantown, WV. She has also joined the staff at Phoenix Psychological and Counseling Associates, a private practice of mental health professionals located in Quiet Dell, West Virginia, just south of Clarksburg.
Dr. Pettit offers individual, couples and group counseling to adults age 18 and over. Although she works with a spectrum of mental health concerns, including depression, anxiety, grief, compulsive behavior, and stress, she especially enjoys working with couples.
“When I do work stress and leadership trainings around the country, it never fails that people want to talk about how and why their personal family relationships are not as harmonious as they would like them to be, “ Dr. Pettit reflects. “All of us want our life at home, what I sometimes think of as our ‘base camp’, to be peaceful and loving. Stress at home tends to show up in every area of our lives.”
Dr. Pettit says that her first goal when working with a couple is to help each partner begin to move out of a stressed state of mind from which they are innocently tending to bring out the worst in each other. She teaches her clients that they create their experience of stress from the inside out, moment to moment, via their use of the gift of thought.
“Unlike many other therapeutic approaches, the focus of my work is NOT on changing what we think,” Pettit explains. “It’s focused, instead, on learning how thinking works so that we can cooperate more gracefully with it.”
Once partners see how they stress themselves out, their minds naturally quiet and they begin to calm down. “In a calmer feeling, we become less “me-focused” and reactive.” Dr. Pettit explains. “Then we are more able to access the love and creativity at the core of our beings. As soon as we’re connected with our wisdom, insights about how to solve the challenges in our relationships flow more easily.”
Dr. Pettit states that she often finds that couples put off coming in for counseling because all the talking they have already done about their problems has left them exhausted and hopeless. Their legitimate question is “how can more talking help?”
“We often just don’t see that when we talk about problems from a troubled state of mind, we actually are at high risk of making them worse. Because of this, I focus couples away from a lot of problem talk, rehashing of the past and techniques that feel artificial,” Dr. Pettit explains. “Once hope is rekindled and people begin to trust again that they can solve their own problems, counseling can quickly become a shorter-term, creative and even light-hearted process.”
Even when couples decide they cannot stay together, Pettit continues, they can certainly access wisdom for moving apart in a way that is respectful.
Dr. Pettit asks that all her client couples read, The Relationship Handbook by George Pranksy, Ph.D. “It’s a little gem of a book that distinguished “high mood therapy” from “low mood therapy” and is filled with good common sense about how to have nice relationships.
Through counseling, coaching, speaking, training and consulting, Dr. Pettit has worked for 25 years in mental health, hospital, university and business settings to help people develop healthier relationships. She can be reached via email at linda@wisdomsources.com. To schedule an appointment, call Phoenix Psychological and Counseling Associates at (304) 622-6404 or WisdomSources PLLC at 304.777.4848.
Today I changed my business “tag” (description) line to include the words “inspire” and “cultivate.”
Why inspire? To inspire is to animate, elicit or arouse...to breathe life into something. The first step to reclaiming your true essence, your intuitive, creative nature, is to be aware that you have one and to DECIDE to activate it. I decide to activate my intuitive, creative nature every morning by being conscious of it through a gratitude prayer.
Why cultivate? To cultivate is to grow, tend and nurture. There are different “ways” to tend your intuitive, creative nature. Watch for the FREE special outline of my “Eight Ways to Release Your Intuitive Creative Power” which will be available next week on my website.
One way is to pursue endeavors that fascinate you. I’m fascinated by low-cost home decorating. One of my clients is fascinated by horses. Another can’t wait to get on her bike. Yet another absolutely loves to write.
Each of us finds that our creative juices start flowing when we are absorbed in these fascinations. We experience wonderful positive feelings and a quieter mind. This state of being spills over into all areas of our lives, facilitating the flow of intuition and creativity.
What do you do to inspire or cultivate your creative, intuitive wisdom? Let us know....
In an email today, a friend wondered, “how did you come to have deep wisdom?” I was touched by her comment and also humbled.
When I am following much of what goes on in my personal mind, I think I’m probably more wacky than wise. But when I seek an inner quiet, cultivate beautiful feelings and ignore the chatter of my brain, I find that a deeper wisdom, what some might call a higher consciousness, whispers to me continuously.
I’ve been seeking to have a steady access to intuitive wisdom for a long, long time. I know that when I’m accessing the grace of that wisdom, life is just SO much gentler and easier. In the flow of wisdom, I’m safe from feeling overwhelmed or stressed.
There have been several important guides for me. One is Sydney Banks, a very humble spiritual teacher. You can listen to him at www.sydneybanks.org.
My husband, Bill is another guide—a highly outgoing, fun, funny man whose inner quiet is amazing. My daughter, Laura teaches me constantly through her gentle, thoughtful ways.
Two women psychologists have also been important teachers: Sherry and Ursula introduced me to Carl Jung’s work and the mysterious artistry of dreams. Then there’s Gail McMeekin, a creativity coach at www.creativesuccess.com, who helped me reclaim and extrovert my creative spirit.
Remembering and honoring our teachers is a great way to feel appreciative. Who are yours? I’d love to hear about them....
"Because of you, I dance more freely and can not pass a drum without giving it a gentle tap—B.”
That quote came across my email today, sent by a woman who was an active participant in many of my classes, including “Eight Ways to Release Your Intuitive, Creative Power” Her words made my heart open and celebrate! She is a wildish, fascinating, inspirational, creative lady with a lifelong writing career who has also raised more children than I can count!
In the classes she is talking about, we cut loose and were experimental. We invited in a drumming group and learned to follow a basic rhythm while improvising to our hearts’ content. We pushed past our shyness and explored the sensuality of African tribal dance. And more....
B, like many of the other woman participants and me, learned that by ignoring our self-critical thoughts and pushing the limits of our experience, our overall creativity flowered.
May YOU dance or risk making a drum sing....TODAY!
A woman friend recovering from a serious injury that has slowed her down considerably recently told me she’s been exploring artistic self-expression and loves it! She’s discovering unknown parts of herself.
I’ve heard, time and time again, that illness, injury and loss often become the portal through which people pass to discover previously unexplored fascinations, talents and creative joys. Curtailed from our normal mode of living, we relax and give ourselves permission to explore sometimes hidden dimensions of thinking, feeling and self-expression.
Just back from a wonderful, gentle vacation in Florida, I also notice today that I feel clearer, more focused and more in touch with my creative muse. Being away from everything; letting go of my tendency to over-work and over-think, seems to have taken me back to, rather than away from, the river of creative inspiration.
Sometimes, when I read books like “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi it seems to me that creativity is presented as something that must be WORKED at rather than relaxed into. Yet, we know that children are HIGHLY creative effortlessly.
Other people have commented on the relationship between creative inspiration and engaging in slow, repetitive work or movement. In her artist’s statement at http://www.mollygordon.com/pa/artiststatement.html, coach Molly Gordon describes how knitting is the key, the “rabbit hole” to her creative unconscious.
When it comes to creative living, the best path may be to go slow to go fast!
Does it ever seem that life “crowds out” your cherished creative projects? To quote, Saturday Night Live’s Roseanne Roseannadanna, “It’s always something!”
Virtual daily coffee klatching for creativity (see yesterday’s post) keeps the projects you’re passionate about front and center. You commit to daily progress. If you don’t follow through, the next day you have a chance to recommit to your project because your partners hold you accountable. Your partners also gently invite you to look honestly at what kept you from following through. Hearing your own explanation may help you decide whether you had a legitimate “excuse” or bumped into some sabotaging thoughts that you took seriously.
Here are a couple of additional points for making your creativity partnering successful.
Decide how often you want to meet with a partner (daily, every other day, weekly) and choose someone willing to make the same level of commitment.
If at all possible choose a regular time—meeting at the same time with consistency tends to build the strength of the partnership; that said, be willing to be flexible when special needs come up.
Perhaps most importantly, decide ahead of time how you want to use your time. What purpose will the call serve for each partner? Is the purpose general, such as maintaining focus and motivation. Or does the purpose revolve around accomplishing a specific project?
Will each person report in and address certain issues each morning? Some examples of questions to use are: what’s my goal for today? what do I need from my partners today? what obstacles could come up today that I need to plan in advance for? how will I reward myself for accomplished work?
Or, do you want to be more flexible and spontaneous and “dance in the moment” with whatever coaching each partner needs?
Periodically, check in with your partners to discuss whether the calls are effective. Relationships are always a process, so allow enough time and experimentation to get to a place where the calls are working well for all partners.
Finally, remind yourself not to take it personally when a creative partnership dissolves. As a friend of mine says, “relationships can be meant for a reason, a season and a lifetime.” It helps when a particular partnership has served its purpose to decide to release it and wait receptively for the next…
I’d love to hear from you if you’ve tried some form of creative partnering and have ideas about how to do it well…
For the last four months, my week-days have started in a unique way: I grab my mug of aromatic Columbian coffee, head to my cozy office, and nestle into a telephone headset. Instantly, I’m connected with my partners in creativity. We share our daily action plans for our creative work, celebrate what we completed the day before and strategize ways to work with obstacles. The whole process takes 15 to 30 minutes!
My first creativity buddy was Sandy—an advertising account manager in Iowa. We were paired as part of an intensive coaching program run by Carmen Bolanos (see www.unlimitedgrowthpotential.com) that required us to meet 15 minutes each morning. Sandy’s unfailingly positive attitude, deep listening and keen insight contributed to what was one of the most productive creative periods of my life!!
My newest creativity buddies are Michelle and Christine, team members from The Product Factory (see www.90dayproduct.com), who live in Connecticut and Pennsylvania. Outside of the class structure, several of us decided to meet daily to increase our motivation and accountability. That phone call, which averages about 20 minutes, helps me find focus, clarity and enthusiasm for my writing and product development.
My Mom knew about creative partnering. She and her neighbor, Helen, met every single morning at alternating kitchen tables to share coffee. Thinking back, I realize their “coffee klatching” was more than social. I remember distinctly that they talked about what they were going to get done that day, what had taken place the day before AND traded all kinds of ideas and encouragement for coping with the eight kids, two husbands, two dogs and the busy lives they shared between them. When we lost the cozy connectedness of neighborhoods, we may have also lost an important creativity tool!
I’ve even begun offering 15-minute check-ins to clients who can benefit from daily support and coaching during intense periods of creative output. I call this my “Sacred Mountain” plan! It works.
Try it! Maybe you know a friend or colleague who would be willing to experiment with the idea. I think it works best if you meet daily at the same time and make an attempt to stick to a time-frame you choose. You may be surprised at how much you can accomplish in 15 minutes. Happy Klatching!
Ever hear of an “elevator speech”? It’s a sound byte—a brief speech entrepreneurs practice to describe how their work benefits clients.
In one of my coach certification classes today, I worked on my elevator speech. Here’s what I came up with:
“Does your most important creative work ever get pushed to the bottom of your priority list or is it your best kept secret? Well, I help women access their intuition and passion so that they can be wildly creative and financially successful at the same time.”
While my speech may require additional work, it does get at the heart of what my clients say they want: to express what is deepest and most dear within them AND to keep food on the table and have a happy, fulfilling life. Most don’t seem to believe that is fully possible.
Several years ago, I had the pleasure of running a focus group comprised of young women ages 16-18. I was in the process of organizing a creativity program for that age group and decided to ask them what they wanted. The girls has been referred to the focus group by parents, friends and teachers who saw them as being highly creative and likely to succeed at creative endeavors.
EVERY girl in the group stated that she did not believe it was possible to be fully creative and self-expressive AND make a living. Each girl spoke of having a secret dream to do something that she was already in the process of letting go of—sacrificing it in the name of finding a respectable job. The girls had been taught to think that way by watching and learning from parents and teachers. And they took their hopeless thinking very, very seriously. I was ASTONISHED!
Some researchers have estimated that, by adulthood, we have suppressed or disavowed as much as a whopping 97 PERCENT of our capacity for creative thinking and output.
What about you? Are you fully creative in your life? Do you believe financial success and optimal creativity are achievable? If not, why not? If so, how so? I’d like to hear from you.....
Some days, it seems like I want to do anything but “work” at my creative projects. Today is a good example.
This morning, temperate breezes and the clear, luminous light of the early sun lured me outdoors for a long walk There was a holy quiet on the wooded trails weaving through the acres surrounding my northern West Virginia home. I can hardly believe my husband and I have been given the stewardship of this beautiful. mountain land. I find myself promising some being or force much larger than myself that I will walk lightly and with awe on this ground, never disturbing anything needlessly.
I was entranced by the symphony of sweet bird calls against the backdrop of a babbling creek—we call it a “run” here—that ambles lazily through the woods. I love nature, but have not made a study of it. I found myself wishing I could name the huge trees whose leaves, dappled by the sun, form a natural Sistine Chapel overhead.
As I walked, I decided not to think about anything. Whenever my thoughts began to take on a life of their own, I would release my attachment to them and, instead, be present to the ferns on the forest floor. I sat for a good while on the simple, rough-hewn bridge the former owner of this property built over the creek and I was grateful for his handiwork.
After my walk, it was just too tempting to stay outdoors—so I weeded several of the flower beds surrounded by shale stone hand picked from the property—also the handiwork of the former owners. I planted the flower boxes on the porch with fuscia New Guinea Impatiens and Vinca vine and was satisfied with the beautiful outcome. The deep greens of the Impatiens foliage and the bright, soft green of the Vinca are pretty together against the magenta and purple hues of the flowers. I admired the way the colors complement the hues of the Fuscia my husband bought me for Mother’s Day. I plan to buy some bright yellow Marigolds for the sunnier flower beds. They’ll be practical because the deer won’t eat them.
I finished my outdoor time off with a few delicious moments spent eating a peanut butter sandwhich, chased with chocolate soy milk, while sitting on the swing on my screened porch. I was mesmerized watching pollen dance on the rays of the sun filtering through the screens.
Somehow being absorbed in walking, dreaming, brook-watching, weeding and planting quieted my mind. As I return to my creative projects, I find that the words are coming easily, clearly—and they feel right. They come from a different, deeper effortless place—no force required to bring them to the surface. It’s like I’ve tapped into a tributary of an underground river whose waters are fresh and clean.
It’s often so hard for me and for my coaching clients to rationally justify taking time for reverie and quieting—a wonderful spiritual practice. We can justify—sometimes—taking time for exercise, for nourishing our bodies. But, when we have so many things to do and places to go, connecting with our deeper spiritual natures is often seen as a frivolous waste of time. Almost all my coaching and psychotherapy clients seem to have trouble making and keeping their promises to find and cultivate meditative time. Why is that so hard?
We just forget that a quieter, refreshed mind, a stirred heart and a nourished soul make all of life—including our creative work—flow so much more gently and easily.
I remembered that this morning. I’m grateful for the spirit that called me outside and inside.
